Sunday, October 9, 2011

Beware of False Toastmasters

Greetings Happy People,

Throughout all my years in this organizations, I have been through many expeditions, adventures, and anything else in between. I have met many Toastmasters that are good folks. Unfortunately, I also met those people that claim to be Toastmasters only to show their true colors.

I am here to discuss with you the "False Toastmasters" that are out there. When you see the following type of species, please meet at your own risk. Chances are that they may be up to no good.

Species 1 - Buyemus Producticus

If you are not looking carefully at this type of species, chances are that they will try to suck you into purchasing products you don't need. Going beyond the networking social meeting groups, they comes as friendly individuals. However, behind those smiles lies personal agendas. Whether it is for life insurance, dietary supplements, or shoddy video email service, they can only quit Toastmasters if they cannot find a customer in the club that would buy their items. They show people how they can be big in their business by flashing the checks they earned. Unfortunately, none of it will go to renewing their membership dues.

The reason why they can be considered False Toastmasters is due to the fact that they are not into improving their communication and leadership skills, nor helping anyone else out. Instead, they want to make big bucks by convincing real Toastmasters to buy in to their products. Shame on these people.

Species 2 -   Gigantus Knowitallium

There are those False Toastmasters that claim to "know it all." They have tremendous amounts of experience, yet are unable to produce when it comes to crunch time. They also claim to have mountains of paperwork that could make them a Distinguished Toastmaster, yet they neither show the paperwork nor have any desire to help a club become Distinguished by sending the paperwork to World Headquarters.

By the way, the mailing address for Toastmasters International is:

Toastmasters International
P.O. Box 9052
Mission Viejo, California 92690

To make things worse, they become President of clubs by convincing some unknowing person that think they can do the job because they were such a great Toastmaster different cities (which they weren't via words of Toastmasters from their cities). When they become President, they run clubs like prisons and give the ol' "my way or highway" attitude. Unfortunately, members choose the latter because they do not want to deal with this egotistical genius.

Sadly, thanks to the Gigantus Knowitallum, the former members see Toastmasters in a very negative light.

As the membership dwindles and the club dies, the Gigantus Knowitallum is still oblivious to the personality that he or she carries by pointing fingers at other people instead of blaming themselves. Additionally, the word of the Gigantus Knowitallums quickly spread to different clubs which leads to little chances of joining any more Toastmasters club to destroy. This is why we vote members in folks - so species like these can be voted out before they do any damage!!

Species 3 - "Earl"

This species of Toastmaster can be seen as the distant, deadbeat cousin of the Gigantus Knowitallum. Just because I ran out of fancy pig latin words for this type, I will just call this species Earl.

Some Toastmasters can consider Earl to be that fly that buzzes around and you just want to shoo it away or swat it.

Earl is the person that makes new Toastmasters cry by giving them evaluations so harsh that Simon Cowell would say "DANG!!" Yet, Earl gets pretty defensive if someone tries to evaluate him (or her) because Earl is the greatest speaker known to all humankind. If that's the case, I would like to see this species win the World Championship of Public Speaking, twice.

If Earl comes to a Toastmasters club that happens to meet at a restaurant, be prepared to fork over some serious cash. Earls either claim not to have any money nor be hungry at all. Yet when a poor Toastmaster soul offers to buy this species dinner, Earls order the most expensive things on the menu. Even if it is the large Triple Whopper combo at Burger King.

Earl is the type of person that peppers his language with obscenities that makes grammarians blush. No matter if new Toastmasters, guest, nuns, or children are in the room. Earls give plenty of profanity laced discussion that makes attendance drop halfway through the meetings.

And if you think that's bad, Earl is also the type of species that prefers women not be in Toastmasters because they are the weaker sex and say things that make no sense to men. Earl also prefers minorities, non-gentiles, and people that don't have a certain skin tone or right religion not be a part of Toastmasters.

Yes folks, these Earls do exist in our world. And that is why we choose to not vote them in.

These are only three of many False Toastmasters species that are out there. If you ever come across anyone that matches the character traits of a  Buyemus Producticus, Gigatus Knowitallum, or Earl, please be careful in handling these folks for they can do a number to many Toastmaster clubs all over the world.

That is all I have for now. Take care and thank you for your time and attention.


Jesse I-I-I

1 comment:

Melanie Hope said...

Awesome article, I've seen these folks in nearly every club.

You forgot one, though: Keynotus Solus Attendus

This false Toastmaster may actually join your club - in fact, s/he typically joins several - but will only attend when speaking. This "member" has no desire to serve the club in any capacity other than to represent it as a contestant or to allow the club to be a captive audience.

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